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   Old Thread  #1347 15 Mar 2013 at 1.26pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1346 15 Mar 2013 at 12.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I knocked on my neighbours door this morning and said, "Can you have my children? I'll be no longer than a few minutes, I promise."

"Sure," she replied,

I said, "Great, get your knickers off then."
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   Old Thread  #1345 15 Mar 2013 at 10.54am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1344 15 Mar 2013 at 10.54am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1343 15 Mar 2013 at 10.15am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1342 15 Mar 2013 at 10.10am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Went down on my girlfriend this morning even though she was on her period.

Just getting into the spirit of Red Nose Day.
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   Old Thread  #1341 15 Mar 2013 at 10.04am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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...........
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   Old Thread  #1340 15 Mar 2013 at 7.48am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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nice one
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   Old Thread  #1339 15 Mar 2013 at 4.33am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike
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   Old Thread  #1338 14 Mar 2013 at 10.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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A knob has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an *******, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Son: Dad, what does 'gay' mean?
Dad: the dictionary says It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife.

little Tommy comes home from school and is sitting eating his tea.
"mum what are bitches and pussy?"
his mothers annoyed but thinks for a second and then points to the dog "thats a bitch, its a female dog" she then points at the cat "and thats a pussy"
little tommy finishes his tea and goes to find his dad. "Dad what are bitches and pussy?" his dad thinks for a second, looks in a drawer and takes out a porn mag and draws a circle around a womans crotch.
"whats this dad?"
"thats your answer son, everything inside the circle is the pussy and everything outside the circle is the bitch"
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   Old Thread  #1337 14 Mar 2013 at 9.57pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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quality
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   Old Thread  #1336 14 Mar 2013 at 8.24pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1335 14 Mar 2013 at 8.21pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1334 14 Mar 2013 at 8.03pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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WOMAN'S DIARY
5 March 2013 Tuesday

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls
and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud,
so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

He was still very subdued and distracted
so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself
- he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be
paying any attention to me or to what I was saying,
I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered
if he was going to come in,
He hesitated but followed.

I asked him what was wrong,
but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed,
I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply,
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.

He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and,
to my surprise, we made love
- but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.

I cried myself to sleep -
I think he's planning to leave me -
maybe he's found someone else.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -



MAN'S DIARY:

Tuesday 5 March

Man U lost.

Gutted.

Got a shag though
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   Old Thread  #1333 14 Mar 2013 at 7.45pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Get in lad
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