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   Old Thread  #1366 18 Mar 2013 at 2.51pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I hear Blue Peter are looking for a Transsexual presenter.

Here's one I made girlier
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   Old Thread  #1365 18 Mar 2013 at 2.40pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, “Open the safe.”

She says, “This isn’t a real bank; it’s a sperm bank.”

He says, “Open the safe or I’ll shoot.”

She opens the safe, and he says, “Now take one of the bottles and drink it.”

After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.

He says, “Now you see? It’s not so difficult, is it?
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   Old Thread  #1364 18 Mar 2013 at 11.18am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Seagulls really are the Chavs of the sky.

They skwawk at you aggressively while you're minding your own business, mess up your car when you leave it parked, breed recklessly and scavenge wherever they go, and still you can get into a lot of trouble if you shoot them.
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   Old Thread  #1363 17 Mar 2013 at 8.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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Haha
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   Old Thread  #1362 17 Mar 2013 at 8.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Sexually confused? I should say so. I don't know if I'm gay, straight or bi.

The only thing that turns me on is the thought of bumming a lesbian.
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   Old Thread  #1361 17 Mar 2013 at 10.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife said she wanted to have sex on the golf course where I spend most of my Saturdays.

We arrived at the first green at about 2am, where after doing a sexy striptease, she lay naked on the grass and said, " Any hole's a goal."

" Oh my God! " I shouted. " Do you know anything about golf ?"
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   Old Thread  #1360 16 Mar 2013 at 9.32pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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class
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   Old Thread  #1359 16 Mar 2013 at 8.46pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1358 16 Mar 2013 at 8.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
After much pressure from my mum, I finally agreed to take my alzheimers riddled grandad out to the pub for the afternoon.

I couldn't believe what a good time I had, and wish we'd done it sooner.

It was always his round.
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   Old Thread  #1357 16 Mar 2013 at 3.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1356 16 Mar 2013 at 3.28pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
'Large crack' opens on Dorset coastline.

A spokesman for Weymouth council says there is nothing to worry about, Jordan's holiday ends on Sunday.
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   Old Thread  #1355 16 Mar 2013 at 8.32am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1354 16 Mar 2013 at 8.26am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was watching a documentary about Alzheimer's last night,when my wife turned to me and said,
"What a horrible condition,if i ever get Alzheimer's,i think i'll shoot myself," "I know"i replied,"you said that 5 minutes ago."
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   Old Thread  #1353 16 Mar 2013 at 8.17am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1352 16 Mar 2013 at 6.55am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I put on a porn film, earlier.

It was really dark, and I could just make out a fat guy with his cock in his hand.

I then realzed, I'd forgotten to turn the TV on.
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