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I confronted my daughter after she strolled in at 3am this morning.
"You've been to a bukkake party, haven't you!" I said.
"No, I haven't dad, I promise!" she replied contritely.
"Oh come on," I said, "It's all over your face."
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A man goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesnt eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. Good God, Dear,he proclaims, i have just had the worst day of my entire life
She responds, You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.
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In reply to Post #1495
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In reply to Post #1495
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Took the missus out for a romantic meal last night
and played footsie under the table while we were
eating.I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the
hole.
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In reply to Post #1485
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Paulo Di Canio has vowed "Sunderland will conquer Europe..........Starting with Poland.
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I was in the pub the other night and overheard three very hefty woman talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish,so i approached and asked,"hello,are you three lassies from scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched,"Its Wales,Wales you bloody idiot!"
So i apologized and replied,"I am so sorry.Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And thats the last thing i remember.
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In reply to Post #1485
1484 
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Pain is the part of the tattoo process that makes you appreciate them more. I love mine, even though it tore off some ball hair when I peeled off the paper.
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In reply to Post #1485
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Should be an easy game for Chelsea on Sunday.
DiCanio is fielding a team entirely of right wingers.
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In reply to Post #1485
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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In reply to Post #1484
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Essex girl in car crash says "i think i have concussion" paramedic asks "how many fingers have i got up?" the girl replies "oh god, my f@nny's paralysed too!
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NON Carp stuff