CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1058
   Old Thread  #2539 12 Mar 2017 at 8.28am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
An unemployed man went into a job center in Devon and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

Enticed by the job title, he went in

and asked the clerk for details of the position.


The clerk pulled up the file and read;


"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the Gynecologist .

You have to help the women out of there underwear , lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in
soothing oils so they're ready for the Gynecologist's examination.

"The annual salary is 125.000 , and if you are interested you will have to travel to Inverness Scotland ".


"Good grief....Is that where the job is?"


"No sir..... that's where the end of the line is for applicants right now.
😂😂
Tel
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1058
   Old Thread  #2538 5 Mar 2017 at 10.12am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Husband sat in his room throwing darts at his wife's photo but not even a single one hit the Target. 🎯

From the kitchen wife asks the husband :
"What are u doing?"

Husband : "MISSING YOU DARLING"
👍
Tel
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3170
   Old Thread  #2537 4 Mar 2017 at 2.13pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
a 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom, the 7 year old says it's time we started swearing, when we go down for breakfast I'll start then you, OK, the 4 year old says yeah OK, they go down and mum says what do you want for breakfast? the 7 year old says Coco pops Bitch, whack, he gets a clout round the head and ends up on the floor, she turns to the 4 year old and says what about you, well it won't be f***ing Coco pops.
mal is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of mal (Mal)
Contact details supplied to MODs
mal
Posts: 4951
   Old Thread  #2536 13 Feb 2017 at 1.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2532
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3170
   Old Thread  #2535 31 Jan 2017 at 6.09pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
two cannibal's eating a clown (not me) one turns to the other and says does this taste funny to you?
lincs-carper is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of lincs-carper (Steve)
lincs-carper
Posts: 667
   Old Thread  #2534 31 Jan 2017 at 3.48pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1
Donald trump goes to the hospital for his circumcision. The doctor walks in and says "I cannot operate on this man, there's no end to this *****"
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3170
   Old Thread  #2533 24 Jan 2017 at 6.54pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2531
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10042
   Old Thread  #2532 24 Jan 2017 at 6.02pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Boy says to mum , I've got the biggest nob at nursery , is it because I'm a scouser , no she replies
It's because you're 28 and a ****ing retard now be a good lad and don't get you're spaghetti hoops
Down you're Liverpool shirt
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10042
   Old Thread  #2531 23 Jan 2017 at 7.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
If someone tries to assassinate president Trump will his bodyguards shout Donald , Duck
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10042
   Old Thread  #2530 20 Jan 2017 at 1.23pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Kids know far to much these days , today in the doctors waiting room a little girl was playing with
Ken and Barbie dolls imitating the doggy position . I bent down and whispered , you'll end up
With baby dolls if you keep doing that , she replied I don't think so dickhead , he's doing her up
The ar$e
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10042
   Old Thread  #2529 18 Jan 2017 at 6.43pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Got chatting to this bird in a club the other night and she whispered in my ear "fancy coming back to mine , I've got a fanny like a polo " , to right I said .
Got her home and dropped her draws then I gasped , she said you look shocked , I said i thought you meant
The mint , not the ****ing hatchback
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3170
   Old Thread  #2528 7 Jan 2017 at 12.41pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A guy goes in to a pub, he grabs a guy at the bar, sticks a gun up his trumpet and says "who's been shagging my wife"? The barman laughed and said "you don't have enough bullets".
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3170
   Old Thread  #2527 30 Dec 2016 at 8.35pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The wife had her teeth whitened last night, but to be honest I think most of it went on her chin.
Smj1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Smj1 (Steve)
Smj1
Posts: 264
   Old Thread  #2526 30 Dec 2016 at 1.15am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2522
👍🏼😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
elltell is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of elltell (Terry)
Contact details supplied to MODs
elltell
Posts: 1058
   Old Thread  #2525 26 Dec 2016 at 8.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
As it is the time of the year.

A little boy asks his mother: "Mom, can I have a puppy for Christmas?"

His mother replies: "You'll have turkey same as everybody else."😂😂😂😂😂😂

Tel
Page: 9 of 178  
  
   Copyright 2002-2020  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk