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   Old Thread  #1492 4 Apr 2013 at 11.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was in the pub the other night and overheard three very hefty woman talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish,so i approached and asked,"hello,are you three lassies from scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched,"Its Wales,Wales you bloody idiot!"
So i apologized and replied,"I am so sorry.Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And thats the last thing i remember.
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   Old Thread  #1491 4 Apr 2013 at 8.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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1484
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   Old Thread  #1490 3 Apr 2013 at 10.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Pain is the part of the tattoo process that makes you appreciate them more. I love mine, even though it tore off some ball hair when I peeled off the paper.
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   Old Thread  #1489 3 Apr 2013 at 9.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1488 3 Apr 2013 at 8.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Should be an easy game for Chelsea on Sunday.

DiCanio is fielding a team entirely of right wingers.
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   Old Thread  #1487 3 Apr 2013 at 7.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1486 3 Apr 2013 at 5.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1485 3 Apr 2013 at 5.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Essex girl in car crash says "i think i have concussion" paramedic asks "how many fingers have i got up?" the girl replies "oh god, my f@nny's paralysed too!
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   Old Thread  #1484 3 Apr 2013 at 2.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The new guy in prison is approached by a huge bodybuilder type in the shower on his first night.

He says to him, "as you're new here, you get the choice". "Do you want sex with, or without spit?"

The guy is thinking, with spit won't hurt as much, so he says, "w- w -with spit".

The big guy shouts over, "Hey Spit, the new guy wants a threesome."
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   Old Thread  #1483 3 Apr 2013 at 8.07am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
My wife hates it when I say,"You're just like your mother!"

Actually,she hates it when I say anything during sex.
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   Old Thread  #1482 3 Apr 2013 at 8.05am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Don't worry about the rising tensions in North Korea,we've sent the B52's over.

They'll soon surrender once they've had to listen to Love Shack a few times
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   Old Thread  #1481 2 Apr 2013 at 7.01pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Glory holes in public toilets give me the willies.
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   Old Thread  #1480 2 Apr 2013 at 4.34pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
WARNING ABOUT EBAY

Be careful what you buy on ebay - if you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.

A friend has just spent 95, plus tax and shipping, on a penis enlarger.

They sent him a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."
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   Old Thread  #1479 2 Apr 2013 at 4.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
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   Old Thread  #1478 2 Apr 2013 at 1.52pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A bloke runs into a pub, grinning and says to the landlord, "The beers are on me - my wife just ran off with my best friend!"
The landlord smiled and said, "Well, that's a shame. Why aren't you sad?"
"Sad?" the bloke replies, "They've saved me a fortune. They were both pregnant!"

Q. What's the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pitbull humping your leg?
A. The Pitbull gets to finish
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