|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
|
 #1538 14 Apr 2013 at 10.23am | |   |
|
My wife and I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent
Simon said, "What is your act?"
I said, "Magic."
He said, "Okay, so what are you both going to do?"
I said, "We are going to make a child disappear into thin air."
He said, "Have you ever done this before?"
I said, "Yes, once."
He said, "Okay Gerry & Kate, good luck.
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1537 14 Apr 2013 at 10.22am | | |
|
|
School Register being read on the first day back at Birmingham Primary... Mustafa Al Eih Zeri? "Here, miss."Ahmed El Kabul? "Here, miss"Fatima Al Hayek? "Here miss"Ali Abdul Olmi? "Here, miss"Mohammed Bin Kadir? "Here, miss"Ali Son al En? no answer..Ali Son al En?? Still silence in the class. Ali Son al En? A girl stands up and says: "Sorry miss, I think that's me... It's pronounced Alison Allen..!
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1536 14 Apr 2013 at 10.14am | | |
|
In reply to Post #1532
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
#1535 14 Apr 2013 at 10.13am | | |
|
I was working in the local taxi office last night when I told my boss, "I've just heard one of the drivers sh@gging a woman in the back of his cab. He must have left the radio on by mistake."
"What's the frequency?" he asked.
"I think he's fcuked her three times.
|
|
|
|
|
#1534 14 Apr 2013 at 10.13am | | |
|
The gossip mags are reporting Rihanna has broken up with Chris Brown after she caught him cheating with a waitress.
A source close to the couple says Rihanna knew something was up when Brown came home with another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
|
|
|
|
|
#1533 13 Apr 2013 at 6.57pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1528
|
|
|
|
|
#1532 13 Apr 2013 at 6.52pm | | |
|
A man in his 50's buys a beautiful pair of shoes on his way home from work. When he gets home he asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says no. At bed time he gets completely naked except for his new shoes and again asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says well let's see you've got the same old useless cock hanging limp as usual.
He says look at where it's "pointing". I bought new shoes!
His wife then says "you should have bought a new hat!
|
|
|
|
|
#1531 13 Apr 2013 at 6.31pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1528
|
|
|
|
|
#1530 13 Apr 2013 at 6.30pm | | |
|
The wife and I were at home watching TV.
I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
She became more and more annoyed and finally said:
“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel!
You already know how to fish!”
|
|
|
|
|
#1529 13 Apr 2013 at 11.57am | | |
|
In reply to Post #1528
Brilliant!
|
|
|
|
|
#1528 13 Apr 2013 at 7.29am | | |
|
|
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried wiping their arse with an iPad.
|
|
|
|
|
#1527 12 Apr 2013 at 9.35pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1521
|
|
|
|
|
#1526 12 Apr 2013 at 7.20pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1525
Best witch joke i seen thanks to Paul.....
Maggie Thatcher has only been in hell 20 minutes and she has already shut down 3 furnaces
and 1521 also had me in stiches
Paul I am pm you my photo album 
|
|
|
|
|
#1525 12 Apr 2013 at 7.16pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1519
|
|
|
|
|
#1524 12 Apr 2013 at 6.42pm | | |
|
In reply to Post #1523
my missus told me that my obsession with only fools and horses had ruined our marriage
she said , i want you out of this house now.
i said ok , ill fetch the suitcase from the van
|
|
