CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22678
   Old Thread  #1498 7 Apr 2013 at 10.59am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A man goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his sons room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.

The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesnt eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. Good God, Dear,he proclaims, i have just had the worst day of my entire life

She responds, You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.
MattH85 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of MattH85 (Matt)
Contact details supplied to MODs
MattH85
Posts: 3673
   Old Thread  #1497 6 Apr 2013 at 11.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1495
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22678
   Old Thread  #1496 6 Apr 2013 at 10.06pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1495
lars28 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of lars28 (Matthew)
Contact details supplied to MODs
lars28
Posts: 2352
   Old Thread  #1495 6 Apr 2013 at 9.49pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Took the missus out for a romantic meal last night
and played footsie under the table while we were
eating.I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the
hole.
carpy09 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of carpy09 (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
carpy09
Posts: 12411
   Old Thread  #1494 4 Apr 2013 at 5.44pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1485
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1493 4 Apr 2013 at 5.39pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Paulo Di Canio has vowed "Sunderland will conquer Europe..........Starting with Poland.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1492 4 Apr 2013 at 11.00am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was in the pub the other night and overheard three very hefty woman talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish,so i approached and asked,"hello,are you three lassies from scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched,"Its Wales,Wales you bloody idiot!"
So i apologized and replied,"I am so sorry.Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And thats the last thing i remember.
catfish1 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of catfish1 (Paul)
Contact details supplied to MODs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
   Old Thread  #1491 4 Apr 2013 at 8.58am Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1485




1484
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22678
   Old Thread  #1490 3 Apr 2013 at 10.19pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Pain is the part of the tattoo process that makes you appreciate them more. I love mine, even though it tore off some ball hair when I peeled off the paper.
ralph69 is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of ralph69 (John)
Contact details supplied to MODs
ralph69
Posts: 10042
   Old Thread  #1489 3 Apr 2013 at 9.08pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1485
WaftyCranker is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of WaftyCranker (Ian)
Contact details supplied to MODs
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3442
   Old Thread  #1488 3 Apr 2013 at 8.31pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Should be an easy game for Chelsea on Sunday.

DiCanio is fielding a team entirely of right wingers.
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22678
   Old Thread  #1487 3 Apr 2013 at 7.10pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1485
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1486 3 Apr 2013 at 5.30pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #1484
sik is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of sik (Simon)
Contact details supplied to MODs
sik
Posts: 2391
   Old Thread  #1485 3 Apr 2013 at 5.29pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Essex girl in car crash says "i think i have concussion" paramedic asks "how many fingers have i got up?" the girl replies "oh god, my f@nny's paralysed too!
SlugHunter is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of SlugHunter (Martin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
SlugHunter
Posts: 22678
   Old Thread  #1484 3 Apr 2013 at 2.38pm Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
The new guy in prison is approached by a huge bodybuilder type in the shower on his first night.

He says to him, "as you're new here, you get the choice". "Do you want sex with, or without spit?"

The guy is thinking, with spit won't hurt as much, so he says, "w- w -with spit".

The big guy shouts over, "Hey Spit, the new guy wants a threesome."
Page: 78.3333333333333 of 178  
  
   Copyright 2002-2020  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk