CarpForum - Fishing Forum
  Already registered? [Log-In]  New user? [Register]

Want 11,000+ anglers a day to see your product or service?  Click HERE to see how
Home Who's Online Member List Gallery Downloads Fish Ins Weather
Rules / Usage Help / FAQs Search Articles The Carp Shop
  New Posts: 0
   Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register] 
CarpyPat is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of CarpyPat (Carpy)
Contact details supplied to MODs
CarpyPat
Posts: 7352
   Old Thread  #1  27 Feb 2012 at 3.19pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
We have removed the last Joke thread due to the content i.e. Racist and offensive jokes/comments.

Please do not post any jokes or comments that are racist or that are likely to cause offense.

Anyone posting racist or highly offensive 'jokes/comments' will be banned from the forum.
Golden-Paws is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Golden-Paws (Andy)
Golden-Paws
Posts: 191
   Old Thread  #2730 20 May 2022 at 8.01am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Two Jewish friends, Cohen and Zachary were chatting and suddenly Cohen blurted out, " I've got something important to tell you, I've just won the lottery and scooped 10 million pounds." "That's wonderful news", said Zach but being a more practical man said, "Yes but what about the begging letters?" Cohen though about it for a moment and replied "Oh yes, I'll still keep on sending those!"
Clobersauraus is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Clobersauraus (Colin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Clobersauraus
Posts: 565
   Old Thread  #2729 19 May 2022 at 4.05pm  1Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I went to a seminar recently, and the speaker asked me to name something I was not very good with starting with the letter N.

Spelling I replied
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3507
   Old Thread  #2728 18 May 2022 at 9.14pm  1Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2727
better safe than sorry, don't want to get "Banged" up, if you know what I mean.
scozza has used site within the last 5 mins
View the profile of scozza (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
scozza
Posts: 15769
   Old Thread  #2727 18 May 2022 at 9.12pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2726
I saw the funny side, I guess others wouldn’t
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3507
   Old Thread  #2726 18 May 2022 at 9.06pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2724
not in good taste.
I will remove.
scozza has used site within the last 5 mins
View the profile of scozza (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
scozza
Posts: 15769
   Old Thread  #2725 18 May 2022 at 8.46pm  1Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2723


Crackers Jim, nice to see somebody with a sense of humour, jokes seem to be a thing of the past sadly

scozza has used site within the last 5 mins
View the profile of scozza (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
scozza
Posts: 15769
   Old Thread  #2724 18 May 2022 at 8.45pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2722
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3507
   Old Thread  #2723 18 May 2022 at 8.00pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
2 guys in court for dealing drugs for the 1st time, judge says
I'll give you a chance to prove you will not do it again, go out
this weekend and see how many people you can get to stop
taking drugs and I will see you both back here on Monday,
back in court the judge asks the 1st guy what kind of weekend
did you have, he said pretty good I got 17 to stop
taking drugs, judge says thats good how did you do that,
I drew 2 cycles 1 small and 1 big, I told them that when you start
taking drugs your brain is the big one and after tacking drugs your
brain is the small one, well done says the judge, then asks the 2nd guy
how about you, he said I got 138 to stop, judge says wow what did
you do, I did the same with 2 cycles and told them the small one
is your ass when you go to prison and.....
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3507
   Old Thread  #2722 21 Apr 2022 at 10.13am  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
luckyjim is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of luckyjim (David)
Contact details supplied to MODs
luckyjim
Posts: 3507
   Old Thread  #2721 16 Apr 2022 at 1.41pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
A boy asks his dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”

dad says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pound. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pound. Then come back and tell me what you’ve learned.”

The boy asks his mother. “Mum, if someone gave you a million pound, would you sleep with Robert Redford?”

“Don’t tell your father, but, yes, I would.”

He then asks his sister, if someone gave you a million pound, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?”

She replies, Definitely!

The boy goes back to his father. “Dad, I think I’ve worked it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million pound, but in reality, we are living with two sluts.
Clobersauraus is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Clobersauraus (Colin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Clobersauraus
Posts: 565
   Old Thread  #2720 15 Apr 2022 at 9.53pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
Was in B&Q earlier on today, and some c*nt in an orange apron asked if i wanted decking…..luckily enough i got the first few punches in
Clobersauraus is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Clobersauraus (Colin)
Contact details supplied to MODs
Clobersauraus
Posts: 565
   Old Thread  #2719 15 Apr 2022 at 9.51pm  Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I was walking the dog today, around a nice country village, and noticed a beautiful cottage with a for sale sign in the garden…… as I was admiring the cottage the current owner came out, and i asked if i could look round……

He replied you look round enough to me you fat tw@t
Golden-Paws is not surfing CarpForum at the moment
View the profile of Golden-Paws (Andy)
Golden-Paws
Posts: 191
   Old Thread  #2718 15 Apr 2022 at 5.39pm  1Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
I kid asks his mum and dad why they decided to name his sister Teresa. "We'll", replied his dad, "both me and your mother both really love easter and teresa is an anagram of easter". "Anyway, whats with all the questions Alan?"
scozza has used site within the last 5 mins
View the profile of scozza (Chris)
Contact details supplied to MODs
scozza
Posts: 15769
   Old Thread  #2717 22 Mar 2022 at 7.21am  1Login so you can post / reply  Register so you can join in!
In reply to Post #2716
Crackers
Page: 1 of 182  
  
  © Copyright 2002-2022  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk